15 Cartoon Images Made Inappropriate by a Single Logo
Showing posts with label Pictures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pictures. Show all posts
7 Reasons Why It Would Suck If The Force Were Real
In the original Star Wars trilogy, there are like 5
people who use the Force total. That's it. Sure, there may have been more
people who were Force sensitive but didn't use it (like Leia), but it's a
pretty huge minority. Most people are just regular, non-Force-having, normal
folks - and that's probably how it would be if the Force were a real thing. The
odds of you having it are slim to nil - and the odds of you actually being Force
sensitive enough to actually DO anything with it is even slimmer. Not everyone
can be Skippy the Force-Droid, after all.
The Force can be used for lots of good in the world
- or, more likely, people just being total dicks to one another. The problem
with introducing that kind of unfathomable power to the world is that it works
on the honor system - there's no way to really regulate its use. So Force-users
could be running around choking people to death with SPACE MAGIC and never be
caught. How would our legal system be able to adapt to a "well, he
probably has magic powers" as a prosecution angle?
Hey guess what - Lightsabers have jackshit to do
with The Force. It's just a totally separate thing altogether - the Force is a
mystical energy that binds together all living things, and lightsabers are just
cool laser-swords that were invented by some dude. But since lightsabers are
one of the coolest things about being a Jedi or Sith, you'd kinda assume you'd
naturally get to have one. Nope - even if space magic were real, laserswords
are still going to be an unrealized dream.
Let's face it - nearly everyone who
had The Force would use it for personal gain or straight-up evil. Sure, maybe
people would do nice things every now and then, but more often than not they'll
use it for petty revenge or massive power plays. A well-trained Force user
would basically be an IRL wizard, able to fell entire armies with the flick of
a wrist. Nations would fall, the economy would be disrupted, millions would
perish, all because a few bad apples got powers.
And - perhaps even more terrible to
imagine - many might become street magicians.
How To Deal With A Murderer (According To Horror Movies)
If you're being chased by a crazed knife
wielding maniac, a chainsaw wield, or Martha Stewart, then you definitely
have to fall down. When do you fall down you may ask? All the time, if you're
running through a field, trip and fall. If you're climbing up the stairs, trip
and fall down them. This is the only way to survive the massacre that killed
your friends, all because they didn't fall down enough.
You just jabbed a coat hanger in his eye and then
shot him six times and now he's just lying still on the ground? And you think
he's probably dead. Great, but if you think there's a chance he may still
be alive then make sure to stand next to his body so he is too scared to get
back up. Also, when he does start to get back up, don't move, stand your ground
to show him that you mean business.
7 Things You Can't Do Anymore Because They Sound Like Excuses
At this point in our lives, we'd all rather have our house burn to
a crisp than tell anyone we genuinely left the stove on. Forgetting to turn off
the stove isn't even a matter of safety anymore. We all do it without even
thinking because the social implications are much more disastrous than
returning home only to find fireman in front of your building.
Sorry
grandma, no visits for you today. No one wanted to be the person caught
actually saying these super obvious excuse words. You're going to have to spend
another night watching "Bones" alone with the sounds of your
room-mate's coughing blocking the tv. Maybe if you were at a mental hospital it
would sounds less like an excuse, but for now we just can't risk it.
Ever wondered why your co-worker is falling asleep at their desk?
Why the student next to you is lounging on three chairs fully passed out? Well,
it's because no one can actually tell someone they have to get up early, even
if they really do. It sounds so made up. "Oh, you have to get up early, I
see. Well fuck you then, why did you even come"?
Oh, you're lost? That's believable. with a million navigation apps
and satellites that can find you anywhere you go, if you actually get lost you
should keep it to yourself and come up with a made up, more believable excuse
for being late. If you happened to get lost, your best chance to have people
believe you is to get murdered by a psychotic serial killer in the woods. That
way it would at least be on the news.
No one believes you're sick. Be honest, does your genuine cough
sound any different from your fake one when you're trying to snag a sick day?
Not only will you be miserable, in pain and puking your guts out - no one is
going to believe this is actually happening to you when you tell them. Not even
your pale Instagram photos with the hashtag SucksToBeSick will sell it. Sick
make up is so easy to pull off, there are thousands of Youtube tutorials for
it. And don't even THINK about getting a simple headache!
What if you actually enjoy jury duty? sitting in a court room,
listening to insane murder stories, pretending you're in a David E. Kelley
drama? Well, it's not going to be fun when all your friends and family think
you're just blowing them off. Who can't find a way to avoid jury duty these
days? This even has built-in restrictions because you're not allowed to discuss
the case, making it the perfect excuse. So if you actually do have to go to
jury duty, you can bet everyone is going to assume you're on a beach somewhere,
laughing at them while drinking mojitos.
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