The 10 Things That WILL Happen Every Time You Host a Party

The day of the party, you'll get between 3 and 5 "ahhh, sorry I can't make it, I'm sick or my girlfriend's sick or whatever anyway can't make it have fun!!" messages from people who originally said they were coming. Coincidentally, all these people live the furthest away, so you know what's really going on: They're all telling the truthand there's a powerful virus affecting the far-from-you areas in your town. And
it also infected your flakiest friend.

"Hey... is this the party

place? I'm Jay, I'm an extremely peripheral friend of an ex co-worker

you threw on the Facebook invite at the last minute. Sorry I'm so early, I

figured this started at 7:40, like most parties. I can just hang here on the couch

and watch Jeopardy while you, y'know, shower and whatever."

"Hey!! I brought some Pylermann's!"

"Huh?"

"You've never had Pylermann's Lemonsmash??? It's like limoncello but way stronger and worse. Anyway, here's a 64 ounce jug of it. I'm gonna drink five sips then you'll have this thing above your fridge until you get married, never drinking it but afraid to throw it away."

"Hey, Tostitos Scoops!"

[Dumps entire bag into mouth without opening it, swallows it with a cartoon "GULP!" sound effect, chugs salsa with giant straw]

"Hey... you got any more of those chips?"

Get ready for someone to interrupt your impeccably-planned playlist at like 11:30 to put on some shitty joke song they and another person you don't know were just talking about! What are you gonna do, let them control the shitty music, or be an even bigger dick and cut in and put your own music back on? (Obviously the latter)

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