Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Movies. Show all posts
5 Reasons Why Netflix Is the Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me

5 Reasons Why Netflix Is the Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me

1. Shows getting cancelled is now a long, slow, terrible death - because everyone ASSUMES Netflix will just pick up EVERYTHING.

1. Shows getting cancelled is now a long, slow, terrible death - because everyone ASSUMES Netflix will just pick up EVERYTHING.

There's no such thing as a show dying a natural death anymore - the instant ANYTHING gets cancelled by a TV network, the internet gets itself worked up over the potential of Netflix (or some other streaming service) picking it up. And this isn't just for beloved cult shows - it's pretty much ANYTHING that has any amount of fans. There was a while when they were going to reboot the sitcom Coach, which has been off the air for about 20 years. They've picked up shows no one cares about like Longmire.
So whenever ANYTHING is cancelled, the internet works itself up in a tizzy over who can pick it up, and that goes on for months. No shows are allowed to die a clean death anymore - it's a long, drawn out process that USUALLY ends in the same level of disappointment.

2. They're going to keep bringing back shows and they're going to be bad.

 This kinda sucks, because nothing's allowed to die a noble death anymore - used to be things would get cancelled before their time, and would (as a result) be remembered fondly, since it never got a chance to get bad. If Firefly were cancelled today, it would've been picked up by Crackle and ran for another 9 seasons, the final 3 of which would have been awful. Did anyone watch the 4th season of Arrested Development or the Yahoo! 6th season of Community and think "that's their best work!"? Probably not.
The point is - sometimes it's okay to let things get canceled, but Netflix is basically Pet Semetary for dead shows. And sometimes....dead is better.

3. No one's being forced to watch random stuff because nothing else is on

 As a kid, I was stuck watching a lot of stuff I wouldn't have necessarily chosen, since it fell out of my comfort zone of "cartoons that prominently featured Sonic the Hedgehog." See, it used to be that there were limited options in TV watching, so you were sometimes stuck watching marathons of Gilligan's Island or reruns of L.A. Law.
The problem with having an insane amount of options provided by Netflix at all times is you never, ever have to leave your comfort zone. Sometimes it's good to be forced to watch something you thought you would hate or wouldn't interest you, because you find out it's actually a totally new thing you're into. And that's not to say you can't do it now - of course you can! And you have even more options! But most people won't - they'll stick to rewatching reruns of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia instead of giving Trailer Park Boys a shot (especially because the early episodes of TPB aren't really their strongest, so you may bow out before the show has a chance to sink its hooks in you). Too many choices can be suffocating and overwhelming - and Netflix has made picking something to watch way, way too difficult.

4. Binge-watching makes me incapable of distinguishing individual episodes of anything

 The relatively new concept of "binge watching" is sorta great - it's incredible to just have a complete season dropped on your lap, so you and your significant other can just spend a weekend blasting through a super-well-produced drama about sleazy politicians who are blind and meet Aziz Ansari's parents, or something (things tend to run together a little when binge-watching).

Oh yeah, but that's the problem. When you consume an entire season of TV in one weekend, things grow less distinct. You remember individual episodes a lot less, since you didn't have a week to think about the events of the last episode and wonder what would happen next. You didn't have a chance to talk to friends and co-workers about how great that last episode was, or how you had a theory about one character. You can only discuss shows in terms of the entire season, never really individual episodes - which is what TV is truly about. There's no time to theorize online or get super-attached to characters, since you only spend any time with them for like 2 days out of the year.

5. Netflix is everything I ever dreamed of for TV watching and I don't know how to deal with happiness


I'm a bitter, cynical adult, and Netflix (and pretty much every streaming video service) is everything I could dream of - no commercials, tons of shows and movies from across every spectrum of content, daring new shows that may never have been made for network television (Netflix's Marvel shows, Amazon's The Man In High Castle), and it's cheaper than any cable package could ever hope to be. It's too wonderful - it feels like a dream, and accepting that is hard.

Thank you, Netflix, you life-ruining sonuvabitch.

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How To Deal With A Murderer (According To Horror Movies)

How To Deal With A Murderer (According To Horror Movies)

If you're being chased by a crazed knife wielding  maniac, a chainsaw wield, or Martha Stewart, then you definitely have to fall down. When do you fall down you may ask? All the time, if you're running through a field, trip and fall. If you're climbing up the stairs, trip and fall down them. This is the only way to survive the massacre that killed your friends, all because they didn't fall down enough.
  See that police station over there next to the old haunted slaughter house? Which should you go in? If you said police station then you are wrong my friend, and also probably dead. The police station would be the first place the serial killer would go to find you, while the slaughter house is the least likely place he would think to go for victims.

You just jabbed a coat hanger in his eye and then shot him six times and now he's just lying still on the ground? And you think he's probably dead. Great, but  if you think there's a chance he may still be alive then make sure to stand next to his body so he is too scared to get back up. Also, when he does start to get back up, don't move, stand your ground to show him that you mean business.
 When in danger of a being brutally murdered by a psychopath, always split off from the group and wander around on your own. This will confuse the killer and make you the least likely to be killed. And besides, I'm sure one person against a maniac will fare better than a whole group anyway.


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20 Things That Still Bother Me About 'Love, Actually'

20 Things That Still Bother Me About 'Love, Actually'



"You know what's really great? Airports! Because people hug there.
Speaking of airports: 9/11..."


That's the general sentiment given by Hugh Grant at the beginning of Love, Actually, a movie that was released in 2003, a time when airport travel was an even more hellish nightmare experience than it had been just a few years earlier. Why? Because of 9/11. Which Hugh Grant then uses as an example of how great love is.

When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.

Here's the first rule of screenwriting: maybe don't start your romantic comedy movie by talking about 9/11. Yeah, I guess the people who were about to die didn't call anyone to insult them or anything mean, but that's because THEY WERE ABOUT TO BE MURDERED BY TERRORISTS. I don't want to equate someone knowing their life is about to end thanks to unthinkable acts of terrorism with Colin Firth wanting to bang his maid.

2. Billy Mack Isn't Sitting In the Beginning



Hey, there's an aging pop star, trying to record a bafflingly stupid cover song, and he's sitting - because, ya know, he's old and OH SHIT WHAT? HE'S NOT SITTING? THAT'S HOW HE STANDS?? For real though, Billy Mack is standing as if he's sitting and there's a chair directly behind him but HE'S NOT SITTING.

3. Apparently No One In the Keira Knightley Wedding Audience Noticed There Were 90 Absolute Strangers Sitting Next To Them Holding Trombones

"Oh, so who do you know? Neither the bride OR the groom? That's kinda weird. Also, what's with the tuba? This all feels REEEEAL suspicious."

4. Prime Minister Hugh Grant Severs The Relationship Between Great Britain and The United States Because Billy Bob Thornton Almost Kissed a Girl He Had a Crush On
Charmingly awkward British George Clooney, Hugh Grant, literally - and without notifying any of his staff or advisors - severs the diplomatic relationship between the USA and Great Britain. This is not a strategic move (although apparently Fake George Bush wasn't being very generous with Fake Tony Blair, or whoever Hugh Grant's supposed to be) - it's ENTIRELY motivated by the fact he walked in on Sling Blade trying to make the moves on a girl Hugh Grant liked. I dunno, just feels like instigating World War III right before Christmas because you're jealous is a bad political move.

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8 TV Shows You Straight-Up Don't Need To Finish

8 TV Shows You Straight-Up Don't Need To Finish


1. Weeds
Weeds may be the weirdest show on this list (or...any list). The basic premise of the show - skewering suburban life through the eyes of widow Nancy Botwin, a regular single mom who just happened to be a major drug dealer - was solid and flexible that it could have lasted a full run of 5 or 6 seasons without much fuss. And it seemed like that would be the case...until the season 3 finale, which saw Nancy basically burning the town of Agrestic to the ground, abandoning a good chunk of the main characters, and hitting the road to parts unknown. And that's where everything fell apart.

The show was great at doing shocking things and pushing its characters and premise to the very edge, but they pushed a little too hard with the destruction and abandonment of the show's setting. After that, the show grew increasingly ridiculous and unbelievable and turned Nancy from an anti-hero doing what she had to for her family to a straight-up sociopath who was actively destroying her children's lives, except all played for comedy, and following no logical arc. They go from a beach community to living with a cartel kingpin to on the run to a million other locales, none of which were as interesting or dynamic as the simple suburb the show started in.
Seasons Worth Watching: 1-3
Oof. THIS show. So good for two seasons, so Not That Good But I Kept Hoping It Would Regain That Goodness in every other season. Was it losing Half-Sack that killed it? Was it all the Ireland stuff? Was it giving Kurt Sutter so much creative freedom that every episode was like 90 minutes long and there were like 5 montages per episode? Why did Juice live that long? I don't know. I'll never know.

Seasons Worth Watching: 1-2 (there are two solid murders at the end of season 3 that are pretty great, though)

  3.Dexter


Dexter is sorta the poster child for shows going from critically and regularly popular and then suddenly coming to a screeching halt and everyone unanimously agreeing that the show is unwatchably bad. Dexter was always a PRETTY good show with some weak-ish elements (such as: Dexter's Ghost Dad, Angel's stupid voice, the increasing ridiculousness of no one in Miami PD recognizing Dexter was very obviously a serial killer I mean COME ON), but it was able to deliver true greatness in season 4 with the arc of the Trinity Killer and one of the most gut-wrenching finales of any show up to that point.
And then....uh, season 5 arrived like a wet fart, with nothing even approaching the intensity of the Trinity Killer. Season 6 was the season with Colin Hanks and the most "duh" twist of all-time in the nature of Edward James Olmos' character, and it was at that point that the bad elements of Dexter had truly won out, and left nothing really worth salvaging.
The series went on, and had some brief moments where it looked like things might get watchable again, but then the series finale came and went, and sealed Dexter's fate as a worthless show post-season 4 forever.
Seasons Worth Watching: 1-4 (although you can skip most of the Jimmy Smits season, and any scene heavily featuring Angel/LaGuerta)

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