Uh Oh: 9 Subtle Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship

You're always walking on eggshells

One of the first signs of a toxic relationship is when one partner is very controlling, Andrea Bonior, PhD, author of The Friendship Fix told Health.com. “This doesn't always mean physically threatening or violent,” she said. It can simply be that you feel frightened to share your opinions because you're nervous and afraid of your partner's emotional reactions, says Dr. Bonior, an adjunct professor of psychology at Georgetown University. And if you find yourself dumbing things down so your partner can feel smart or save the day—huge red flag.

You feel a little queasy, or uneasy, around your partner

"Your body is smart," says relationship expert Sofia Milan. "If you were to eat poison, your body would immediately try to throw it up. If you get something in your eye, your eye starts tearing." Stressed? Your hair will fall out. Get it? So if you’re having physical issues like ulcers, throwing up, dizziness/passing out, chest pains, or new skin flare-ups, your body may be trying to get your attention. Milan says to ask yourself, what is the root cause of these ill feelings? They might be symptoms of garden-variety stress, but "if your partner, a friend, or co-worker is the person that comes to mind first, that is a sign that you need to give someone the boot or begin a conversation to mend the problem.”

You're always fighting

While some bickering is even healthy for your relationship, "constant misunderstanding is a bad sign," says Sue Kolod, PhD, a psychoanalyst in New York City. "As couples get to know each other better, there should be a progression toward more understanding and less misunderstanding." Poor communication that never improves is toxic because without communication, a relationship can never move forward.

Everything is so dramatic, all the time

“Many couples thrive on high theatrics—screaming, accusations, hands, and words flying,” says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, MD, author of the book The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity. “As long as there are not physical assaults, or so long as the words are not hateful or contemptuous, that's not necessarily a bad thing,” he notes. In fact, many couples like this are considered high expressers, says Dr. Haltzman, and they often report better sex lives than more mellow couples. “But, and it's a big but, their divorce rates are higher.” He says if your partner keeps lighting fireworks over your sea of tranquility, then that could be a sign of a destructive relationship. These clues could signal you're headed for divorce.

Your partner wants you all to himself

"When a partner or pal wants you to break off relationships with friends and family, that is a sign of a toxic relationship. Isolating the partner from friends and family is upsetting because it is an attempt to control and manipulate without interference from the partner's support system," advises Dr. Kolod.

You keep score

"The relationship scorecard develops over time because one or both people in a relationship use past wrongdoings in order to try and justify current righteousness. This is a double-whammy of  'suckage,'" says author and blogger Mark Mason. "Not only are you deflecting the current issue, but you’re ginning up guilt and bitterness from the past to manipulate your partner into feeling wrong in the present."

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12 Things You Do That Secretly Slow Your Metabolism

You eat breakfast closer to brunch time

Mornings in your house are bananas. We get it. Between getting the kids to school on time and yourself to work on time—and the 3,000 things required to make those two feats happen—you’re lucky if you can sneak in a sip of OJ before your first meeting. But when you're sleeping, you're not eating; and after all those hours with no nutrients, your metabolism—the process by which your body converts food and drinks into energy—needs a little jump-start. To get your calorie-burning engine going, have breakfast within a hour of waking up—or even better, within 15 minutes, says Joanne Rinker, MS, RD, senior director for community health improvement at Public Health Improvement Partners. Here's why it's so important to stop eating late at night.

You have cereal instead of an omelette

It takes your body more time to digest protein, so eggs will keep you feeling fuller longer than if you pour yourself a bowl of carbs in the morning. Opting for the omelette (or Greek yogurt parfait or overnight oats) may also give your metabolism a little boost. To digest, absorb, transport, and store the food you eat, your body uses calories, and protein needs more energy to metabolize than fat or carbs, says Tammy Lakatos Shames RD, certified fitness trainer and co-author of Fire Up Your Metabolism. Plus, researchers at Purdue University found that diets higher in protein may help preserve lean body mass, which is most directly related to having a fast metabolism. Your best bet: Have a serving of protein with every meal. Try one of these high-protein breakfast ideas.

You stopped drinking coffee

True that java had a bad rep for a while, but more and more research shows that good can come out of consuming moderate amounts of coffee. It may reduce your risk of cardiovascular disease, certain neurological disorders, and even type 2 diabetes. And drinking caffeinated coffee can cause a temporary—but significant—increase in metabolism, says Kristen Gradney, RDN, director of nutrition and metabolic services at Our Lady of the Lake Regional Medical Center in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The caffeine gets absorbed into the bloodstream very quickly, speeding up heart rate and providing that metabolic boost. So if you want a cuppa in the morning, and even in the afternoon, enjoy: Three to five cups a day can be part of a healthy diet, say government guidelines. The catch: Keep your coffee as simple as your taste buds can take. Too many added calories from sugary syrups and fatty cream can outweigh the health benefits. And please ignore these myths about coffee, once and for all.

And you don't drink enough water

Every cellular process in your body relies on water, so not hydrating properly can decrease metabolism, says Gradney. And when you're dehydrated, you have less energy to walk, bike, or do what you need to do to burn calories, adds Shames. These signs could mean you're dehydrated.

You won't curl a dumbbell

And you have no interest in lifting, pressing, or pumping any other form of iron. Fine. But if you won't touch a resistance band either, or do a pushup or squat, you’re pretty much pumping the brakes on your metabolism. Here’s why: Muscle tissue is the source of your resting metabolic rate, says Jeffrey I. Mechanick, MD, clinical professor of medicine and director of metabolic support in the Division of Endocrinology, Diabetes, and Bone Disease at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai, in New York City; that's the number of calories your body uses to keep your heart beating, lungs pumping, and all the other necessary functions that keep our body healthy. So it stands to reason: the more muscle you have, the higher your metabolic rate and the more calories you burn. As we age, we lose muscle and gain fat. To counteract those sad-but-true effects, include strength training in your regimen. Research published in the European Journal of Clinical Nutrition found adults who did resistance exercises three times a week significantly increased resting metabolic rate by an average of 5 percent over the course of nine months.

Or you curl your dumbbell too fast

You get an A for strength training effort, but take it slow when you lower the weight for maximum metabolism-boosting benefits. Eccentric (or lowering) movements cause muscle tissue to break down more so than the act of lifting; and that's good because your body will need to burn more calories in order to repair the damage; hence the metabolism boost! Researchers at Wayne State University found focusing on slowing down the eccentric movement pumps up your metabolism for as long as 72 hours after the session.

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Desk exercise: Tone your thighs

Try this thigh-toning exercise under your desk. (Beware wires and remove clutter first!) Stay seated with your feet on floor and back straight. Extend your right leg until it’s level with your hip, slowly lower. Repeat 10-15 times. Switch legs. You’ll feel the burn in your quadriceps.

Desk exercise: Strengthen your calves

You can do this office exercise when you’re on the phone or doing something that doesn’t require you to write or participate beyond talking. Stand behind your chair, holding onto the back. Rest your right foot on back of your left lower leg. Do toe raises on your left foot. Switch sides. (If you’re in heels, remove them first.)

Desk exercise: Tighten and tone your butt

Tense up gluteal muscles as you sit in your chair. Hold for 10 seconds. Do reps of 10 at a time. No one has to know you’re doing them.

Desk exercise: Jump-start digestion

Make your stomach flatter with this digestion exercise to stimulate peristalsis, the wave-like muscle contractions that move food through the digestive tract. Suck in your stomach as far as you can, then stick it out as far as you can. Breathe in when sucking in and breathe out when you push your stomach out. This small exercise helps blood flow to the stomach, aids in digestion, and exercises your abdominal muscles, says Lakatos Shames. Digestion backed up? Try one of these constipation home remedies to get things moving.

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10 Tricks to Lose Weight Just Sitting at Your Desk

You’ve heard this tip before, but it’s worth repeating. Simply standing up more often helps to prevent weight gain versus sitting. We expend a surprising number of calories through non-exercise activity thermogenesis (NEAT)—activities like walking to the water cooler, vacuuming, and even toe tapping and fidgeting. This incidental movement can help with fat loss, say The Nutrition Twins, Lyssie Lakatos, RDN, and Tammy Lakatos Shames, RDN. Obese people tend to sit 2.5 hours a day more than their sedentary lean counterparts, research shows. Some fitness bands not only track your steps, but they’ll remind you if you’ve been inactive for a certain period of time. You can set a quiet vibration timer on your phone or a desktop one with your sound turned off (like e.ggtimer.com) that’ll remind you to get up and take a loop around the office. Here are tricks to make your walking routine even healthier.

Toss out junky snacks

Rid your desk of those “emergency” sweets, suggests Lakatos Shames. Out of sight, out of mind. When you’re not surrounded by temptations, it’s much easier to stay away from foods that can lead to weight gain.

Stock up on healthy snacks

We’ve all had those days where a meeting runs way too long and you don’t have time to grab lunch. Your best bet to prevent a “hangry” (hunger + angry) episode: Rely on fiber-filled, protein-packed snacks that will keep you satisfied on relatively few calories, suggests Lakatos. Keep non-perishable snacks in your office drawer, like pre-portioned nut packs, or lower-sugar granola bars like KIND bars, roasted chickpeas, whole grain crackers, and even a small jar of peanut butter or almond butter. If you have access to an office fridge, stash these nutritious foods: apples, edamame, black bean dip or hummus for your crackers, non-fat yogurt topped with one tablespoon of granola, cucumber slices with low-fat cottage cheese, and raw, sliced veggies like carrots, peppers, and celery. We love these 31 healthy snacks for adults.

Drink plenty of naturally flavored water

Flatten your belly by sipping water infusions throughout the day. The extra flavor will help if you’re sick of plain water and the combination of water and potassium from the fruit/herb/veggie infusions can help flush bloating culprits (like salt) from your system. Consider buying an infuser water bottle for your desk to which you add fruit or fresh herbs (find some on Amazon, Walmart, or Bed Bath & Beyond, to name a few). “When you’re properly hydrated you won’t make the common mistake of confusing thirst for hunger,” says Lakatos. “The extra fluid in your stomach can keep you feeling full.” The Nutrition Twins have a few favorite infusion recipes from their website: including Cucumber-Blueberry Water (8 ounces water, ¼ cup blueberries, ¼ cucumber, sliced), or their Lemon and Mint Detox Infusion that you can sip warm or cool (1 teaspoon grated ginger, slice up one lemon, several mint leaves, pour over 8 or 12 ounces water). These sneaky signs of dehydration mean you need to drink up.

Sip tea with lunch

Green, black, and oolong tea contain the amino acid theanine, which brings on a state of mental calmness yet alertness. This may help ease anxiety and prevent overeating due to emotional stress, while also making you very alert and mindful of your food choices. When you make good, healthy, rational meal decisions you stay leaner. These health benefits of tea are pretty mind-blowing.

Desk exercise: Zip up your abs

“We rely on this and it truly makes a huge flat-belly difference,” says Lakatos. Activate your abs by squeezing them in tight and pulling them back against your spine as you exhale. Picture zipping your abs together by using your muscles to contract your abs by pulling in from the center—think about pulling everything in a vertical line from your belly button up to between your breastbone, while also holding everything in and back toward your spine. Hold for a count of 10 as you continue to exhale. Slowly release and repeat for 10 reps at least three times. “Not only will this create good posture, it will also wake up the abs muscles and make it easier to keep your abs in,” says Lakatos Shames. Bonus: When you’re focusing on flat abs and a tight stomach you’re less likely to overeat at your desk. Here are 12 reasons your belly might be bloated.

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How Presidents Met Their First Ladies: 10 True Love Stories to Make You Say ‘Awww’

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS

In 1758 Martha Dandridge Curtis was 27 and recently widowed, and a very wealthy woman. That year George Washington, also 27 and already a colonel in the Virginia militia (and not at all wealthy) met Martha via the Virginia high-society social scene and proceeded to court her. Courtship was quick, and they were married in January 1759, in what at the time was viewed as a marriage of convenience. They were, however, happily married for 41 years. (Note: The marriage took place at the plantation that Martha owned, in what was called the “White House.”)

When Johnny Met Louisa

Louisa Catherine Johnson, who was born in London, met John Quincy Adams at her home in Nantes, France, in 1779. She was 4; he was 12. Adams was traveling with his father, John Adams, who was on a diplomatic mission in Europe. The two met again in 1795 in London, when John was a minister to the Netherlands. He courted her, all the while telling her she’d have to improve herself if she was going to live up to his family’s standards (his father was vice president at the time). She married him anyway, in 1797, and his family made it no secret that they disapproved of the “foreigner” in their family. Nevertheless, they were married until John Quincy Adams’s death in 1848. Louisa remains the only foreign-born First Lady in U.S. history.

When Johnny Met Louisa

Louisa Catherine Johnson, who was born in London, met John Quincy Adams at her home in Nantes, France, in 1779. She was 4; he was 12. Adams was traveling with his father, John Adams, who was on a diplomatic mission in Europe. The two met again in 1795 in London, when John was a minister to the Netherlands. He courted her, all the while telling her she’d have to improve herself if she was going to live up to his family’s standards (his father was vice president at the time). She married him anyway, in 1797, and his family made it no secret that they disapproved of the “foreigner” in their family. Nevertheless, they were married until John Quincy Adams’s death in 1848. Louisa remains the only foreign-born First Lady in U.S. history.

When Gracie Met Calvin

One day in 1903, Grace Anna Goodhue was watering flowers outside the Clarke School for the Deaf in Northampton, Massachusetts, where she taught. At some point, she looked up and saw a man through the open window of a boardinghouse across the street. He was shaving, his face covered with lather, and dressed in his long johns. He was also wearing a hat. Grace burst out laughing, and the man turned to look at her. That was the first meeting of Grace and Calvin Coolidge. They were married two years later.

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS

When Harry Met Bessie

In 1890, when they were both small children, Harry Truman met Bess Wallace at the Baptist Church in Independence, Missouri. They were both attending Sunday school. He was six; she was five. Truman later wrote of their first meeting: “We made a number of new acquaintances, and I became interested in one in particular. She had golden curls and has, to this day, the most beautiful blue eyes. We went to Sunday school, public school from the fifth grade through high school, graduated in the same class, and marched down life’s road together. For me she still has the blue eyes and golden hair of yesteryear.” Bess and Harry were married in 1919.

When Lyndie Met Lady Bird

Lyndon Baines Johnson met Claudia “Lady Bird” Taylor in 1934, a few weeks after she’d graduated from the University of Texas. Johnson was a 26-year-old aide to Texas congressman Richard Kleberg, and was in Austin, Texas, on business. They went on a single breakfast date, at the end of which Johnson proposed marriage. She said she’d think about it. He returned to Washington, and sent her letters and telegrams every day until he returned to Austin 10 weeks later, when she accepted. “Sometimes,” she later wrote about her husband, “Lyndon simply takes your breath away.”

 When Richie Met Pattie

Thelma “Pat” Ryan graduated from the University of Southern California in 1937 at the age of 25. She got a job as a high school teacher in Whittier, a small town not far from Los Angeles, and became a member of the amateur theatrical group the Whittier Community Players. In 1938 Richard Nixon, a 26-year-old lawyer who had just opened a firm in nearby La Habra, joined the theater group, thinking that acquiring acting skills would help him in the courtroom. In their first performance, Nixon was cast opposite Ryan. He asked her out, and asked her to marry him on their first date. They were married three years later.

When Ronnie Met Nancy

Ronald Reagan wrote in his autobiography that he first met Nancy Davis when she came to him for help. He was president of the Screen Actors Guild, and she couldn’t get a job acting in movies because another Nancy Davis’s name had shown up on the Hollywood blacklist of alleged communists. But according to Jon Weiner’s book Professors, Politics, and Pop, SAG records show that Nancy’s blacklist problem occurred in 1953, a year after the Reagans were married. So how did they meet? Reagan biographer Anne Edwards says that in 1949 Nancy, who had just become an MGM contract player, told a friend of Reagan’s that she wanted to meet him. The friend invited the two to a small dinner party, and the rest is history.

When Georgie Met Laura

Joe and Jan O’Neill lived in Midland, Texas, and were childhood friends of Laura Welch. In 1975 another childhood friend, George W. Bush, came back to Midland after being away for a few years. The O’Neills bugged Laura to go out with George, but she didn’t want to. She later said that the O’Neills were only trying to get them together “because we were the only two people from that era in Midland who were still single.” She finally agreed to meet him at a backyard barbecue in 1977, when she was 30 and he was 31. George was smitten;Laura was, too. They were married three months later.

When Barry Met Michelle

In 1989 Michelle Robinson was working at a Chicago law firm when she was assigned to mentor a summer associate from Harvard with a “strange name”: Barack Obama. Not long after, Barack, 27, asked Michelle, 25, on a date. She later admitted that she was reluctant to date one of the few black men at the large firm because it seemed “tacky.” Robinson finally relented, and after dating for several months, she suggested they get married. He wasn’t interested. One night in 1991, during dinner at a Chicago restaurant, she brought it up again. Again, he said no. But when dessert showed up, there was an engagement ring in a box on one of the plates. They were married in 1992.

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Buzz Bissinger: The Incredible Lessons I Learned From My Son With Brain Damage

My son Zach was born with brain damage that occurred during his birth. His brother Gerry—older by three minutes—is fine. Zach is now 24, but his comprehension skills are roughly that of an eight- or nine-year-old. He can read, but he doesn’t understand many of the sentences. He can’t add a hundred plus a hundred, although he does know the result is “a lot.” I took him to see the movie Spartacus when he was nine, and after a blood-flowing scene at a Roman villa where Kirk Douglas single-handedly killed two million buffed-up soldiers with a plastic knife, he turned to me and said, “Look, Dad! A pool!” He has always loved pools.

As Zach grew out of childhood, I never knew how much he would understand. While his vocabulary expanded rapidly, his knowledge of what words meant did not keep pace. When I tried to explain something abstract, I could sense him sifting through his hard drive with its millions of data points. But the hard drive did not help him with concepts like preventive health measures or racism. He knew who the president was but not Osama bin Laden. He knew something terrible had happened on 9/11, but when the anniversary came, he called to wish me a “happy 9/11!”



Instead, our relationship had been largely predicated on games. He loved goofy hypotheticals: What would happen if he did something I told him he could not do. When I kissed him good night, he invariably asked me if there was a certain word or name he could not say after I turned out the lights.

“What can’t I say?”

“You can’t say Rick Lyman.”

“What happens if I say Rick Lyman?”

“I will have to come back upstairs.”

Dressed in his usual T-shirt and gym shorts, anticipating the tickling war we referred to as cuddies, he began to giggle. I walked down the stairs and waited at the second-floor landing. He was plotting strategy.

“RICK!” he screamed. (I did nothing.)

“RICK LY!!!!” (I did nothing.)

“RICK LYMAN!!!!!!!!!!!”

I ran back upstairs and banged open the door. It was on. I threw pillows at him. He threw pillows at me. I got ahold of him and tickled. He kicked me in the head. I chased him around the room, became exhausted, and had to stop. He seemed exhausted as well. I rolled the top sheet over him, kissed him good night, and went back downstairs. From above I could hear a pulsating drum getting louder and louder.

“Rick Lyman … RICK LYMAN! … RICK LYMAN!!!”

He could have gone on forever. At any time. At any age. But when he turned 21, after nearly 15 straight years of doing it, I decided it had to stop. I was ambivalent about giving it up, but I could not stand it anymore. It only reaffirmed our frozenness.

“Zach, you’re 21 now. Not six. This is what six-year-olds do. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Sorry, Dad.”

“There is nothing to be sorry about. You’re just too old. You’re 21. What happens when you are 21?”

“You’re not supposed to do things like that anymore.”

“That’s right. Do you understand why?”

“I’m 21; I’m kinda too old for this now.”

I closed the door to his room.

I stood right outside, then burst back in. “Just don’t say good night.”

It was on again. I knew it was one of the things he loved about being with me. I was scared of losing it.


It is strange to love someone so much who is still so fundamentally mysterious. Strange is a lousy word. It is the most terrible pain of my life. As much as I try to engage Zach, I also run from this challenge. I run out of guilt. I run because he was robbed, and I feel I was robbed. I run because of my shame.

It is strange to love someone so much who is still so fundamentally mysterious.

But whatever happens with Zach, I know I cannot think in terms of my best interests, even if I think they are also in his best interests. Zach will be where and who he will be. Because he needs to be. Because he wants to be. Because as famed physician Oliver Sacks said, all children, whatever the impairment, are propelled by the need to make themselves whole. They may not get there, and they may need massive guidance, but they must forever try.

Buzz Bissinger is an author and a journalist. Zach lives with his father in Philadelphia and his mother in New Jersey.

Father’s Day: A Journey Into the Mind and Heart of My Extraordinary Son, by Buzz Bissinger, Copyright  © 2012 by H. G. Bissinger, is published at $26 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing CO., hmhbooks.com.

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Mom Breastfeeds Both 3-Year-Old And 1-Year-Old In Gorgeous Photos

Chelsea Craig was recently on a photo shoot with her young daughters, ages 3 and 8 months, when they began to get fussy. So she decided to breastfeed them.

Family photographer Mae Burke, who is based in Texas, was on-hand and captured the tender moment between the mom and kids.

“I take pictures that are very candid moments, and if their children happen to want or need to breastfeed, then I just keep taking pictures like I normally would,” she told People magazine.


When the photos were shared by sites like KidSpot and BuzzFeed, commenters began offering their two cents, some of which were negative. But Craig was unfazed.

“The responses from everyone who knows me has been overwhelmingly positive,” she told The Huffington Post in an email Monday. “As can be expected, the responses from the masses have been mixed. I learned very quickly that I should not read the comments. Many people assume I am seeking out attention and that is why I had these published. Truth is, these pictures where never planned. It was an organic moment in a motherhood shoot that has memorialized a beautiful moment between my daughters and I. Like I have said, I am not nursing for any purpose than to meet the needs (first nutritionally and now emotionally) of my daughters.”


Burke told KidSpot that she shared the photos in hopes of “adding worth to women” through the use of beautiful imagery, and maybe shifting the conversation.

As for Craig, she is happy to be a part of it.


“I truly think it is a shame that we as a society find it so easy to criticize each other, especially as mothers ... I believe the vast majority of us are doing what we believe to be best for our children, and that is what is most important. I am confident in my choices, and as I have said, I do not think they are best for everyone, but they work for us. Some women have found strength and confidence in their choices as a result of these photos and the conversations that have spurred. For that, I am grateful. We should be lifting each other up, and I am happy to have taken part in that.”

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17 Super Fun Photo Ideas For Bridesmaids With A Silly Side

Pretty, poised wedding photos with your bridesmaids are necessary, of course. Just don’t forget to make time for some silly shots, too!

Below, 17 bridal party photo ideas that will take your wedding game up a notch.

1 Kick up your heels.

2 Stop and smell the roses.



3 Or hide behind those beautiful bouquets.

4 Toss flower petals like confetti — this is a party after all!

5 Just don’t corrupt the flower girl with your wild and crazy antics.

6 Remind everyone how you know the bride in the first place.

7 Create a tunnel for the bride’s reception entrance.

8 Raise a glass to the lady of the hour.

9 Grab your girls and run like the wind.

10 Get guests pumped about the big reveal.

11 Show how lacing up that corset is a three-woman job.

12 Take cover under the veil.

13 Strike a powerful pose like the boss ladies you are.

14 Contain your excitement? Not today!

15 Jump for joy.

16 Shamelessly fawn over the bride.

17 Let sparks fly all night long.

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The Most ‘Coachella’ Outfits In The History Of Coachella

Music festival season is upon us. And kicking things off is arguably the biggest, most popular one of them all, Coachella.

And you know what that means. Flash tats and flower crowns and fanny packs, oh my. These days, the weekend-long festival in Indio, California, seems to be more about the fashion than the music. People show up dressed to the nines, and the street style photographers are there to capture every minute of it.

In honor of this, erm, expressive time of year, we’ve rounded up the 15 most “Coachella” outfits in the recent history of Coachella.

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