"You know what's really great? Airports!
Because people hug there.
Speaking of airports: 9/11..."
That's the general sentiment given by Hugh Grant at the
beginning of Love, Actually, a movie that was released in 2003, a time when
airport travel was an even more hellish nightmare experience than it had been
just a few years earlier. Why? Because of 9/11. Which Hugh Grant then uses as
an example of how great love is.
When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none
of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge -
they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling
you'll find that love actually is all around.
Here's the first rule
of screenwriting: maybe don't start your romantic
comedy movie by talking about 9/11. Yeah, I guess the people who were about to die didn't call
anyone to insult them or anything mean, but that's because THEY WERE ABOUT TO
BE MURDERED BY TERRORISTS. I don't want to equate someone knowing their life is
about to end thanks to unthinkable acts of terrorism with Colin Firth wanting
to bang his maid.
2. Billy Mack Isn't Sitting In the Beginning
Hey, there's an aging
pop star, trying to record a bafflingly stupid cover song, and he's sitting -
because, ya know, he's old and OH SHIT WHAT? HE'S NOT SITTING? THAT'S HOW HE
STANDS?? For real though, Billy Mack is
standing as if he's
sitting and there's a chair directly behind him but HE'S NOT SITTING.
3.
Apparently No One In the Keira Knightley Wedding Audience Noticed There Were 90
Absolute Strangers Sitting Next To Them Holding Trombones
"Oh, so who do
you know? Neither the bride OR the groom? That's kinda weird. Also, what's with
the tuba? This all feels REEEEAL suspicious."
4. Prime Minister Hugh Grant Severs The Relationship Between Great Britain and The United States Because Billy Bob Thornton Almost Kissed a Girl He Had a Crush On
Charmingly awkward
British George Clooney, Hugh Grant, literally - and without notifying any of
his staff or advisors - severs the diplomatic relationship between the USA and
Great Britain. This is not a strategic move (although apparently Fake George
Bush wasn't being very generous with Fake Tony Blair, or whoever Hugh Grant's
supposed to be) - it's ENTIRELY motivated by the fact he walked in on Sling
Blade trying to make the moves on a girl Hugh Grant liked. I dunno, just feels like
instigating World War III right before Christmas because you're jealous is a
bad political move.